Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
