Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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