So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize