i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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