i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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