apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
