He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i now understand why vodka
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
