Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
