She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
