Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
