Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
