I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
