Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
