I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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