Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
