soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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