I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm too high and old for this...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
