This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
