I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
