remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
