i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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