And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
