I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
