she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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