i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
