suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
