After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
