You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
