How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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