I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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