i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
