I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
