My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
