Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
