is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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