A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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