dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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