No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
