Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
