took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
