there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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