dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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