it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Terrible idea I love it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
