Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
