Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
