So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
