Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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