Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
