hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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