Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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