You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
