Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
no you cant smoke seaweed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
