At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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