nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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