just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize