i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
