I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
