I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
