I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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