The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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