Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
