I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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