Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
