shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
