Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
