if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize