All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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