I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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