I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
