happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
