I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
