today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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