It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
