Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
