What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
